Lake District Shmake District

I make no bones about the fact that I hate walking up effin hills.

The Lake District is going to be completely wasted on you, said a friend who visited recently.

But it's okay, I said, Apparently there are lots of FLAT walks you can do there too!

So this Sunday, with the sun in the sky and my son at my side (up for the weekend), we set off for our first trip to the Lakes with a photocopy of a gentle, non-hilly walk in hand.

As we hit the hills, it looked real pretty from the car. Weren't we lucky to have the Lake District on our doorstep?

Pah!

Swarms of tourists, overpriced parking and cups of tea, mud that made the walk impassable because of all the rain (we had to turn back in the end) - AND IF THAT'S A 'FLAT' WALK, I'M THE QUEEN OF BLEEDIN' SHEBA.

Give me the cosy, rose-gardened countryside of Oxfordshire any day. I am simply the wrong species for this landscape.